Est-ce que tu sais? Je t'aime, crétin.

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You have the right to say no.

When I wrote that sentence, it felt absurd. Of course you have the right to say no. We all do. “Just say no!” “No means no!” And yet…

We grow up learning that “No” is rude. It’s more important to avoid hurting other people’s feelings. It’s important to be polite and accommodating. Setting boundaries and prioritizing our own comfort and safety is selfish. We push these lessons even harder on women, expecting them to be caretakers, putting everyone else’s needs above their own.

Screw that.

I think Listening Ear training - where I became a volunteer crisis and sexual assault counselor - was the first time I really started to learn about the importance of boundaries. We talked about it first in the context of sexual harassment and assault.

You have the right to set your own boundaries, to say no and to have that be respected.

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"The messages you received from your family or your childhood experiences may have caused you to believe that assertiveness is unacceptable or even dangerous. Practice saying the following: I have the right to be treated with respect by others. I have the right to express my feelings and opinions. I have the right to say no without feeling guilty. I have the right to ask for what I want. I have the right to make my own mistakes. I have the right to pursue happiness."